Play It Again, Sam

Well, it seems as though the fates have decided that I have not humiliated myself enough when it comes to my interaction with the opposite sex. Yes, once again I have made an utter fool of myself. You know, Emily has been thinking about joining a sisterhood of Episcopalian nuns in London, and the way things have been going, I may just switch denominations and join her.

Tuesday was the first day this year to get over sixty-five degrees, so I decided to wear a skirt to class. I haven't worn a skirt since I first moved here to Chicago, so I was feeling very feminine. I was also feeling very self-confident, since I was wearing a skirt that I have not been able to fit in to for several years. After my classes that night it was still very nice out, so I decided to walk home. As I was walking, I happened to look ahead and notice that a handsome man was out walking his dogs just a block ahead of me, and that he had stopped to let them play for a few moments. Feeling rather confident, I decided to do a tiny drive-by flirtation. Hey! Don't pretend like you haven't done it. I know for a fact that at least half of my readers have done this at one time or another, so don't even start to judge.

So, I walked by, and just gave the little smile and nod typical of a drive-by flirtation. He smiled and nodded back, and I walked on thinking smug thoughts about the impression I must have made. Well, I just know that God heard these smug thoughts, and sent me the following punishment.

The next day, I was hurrying across campus with my classmates to my Early Modern class, when I spotted Dr. Clarke (my Victorian Novel professor) walking towards me. And walking alongside her was the man from the past night, and with his dogs too! I suddenly wondered if this man was a student of Dr. Clarke's, perhaps an advanced doctoral student that I had not yet met. Since I needed to talk to Dr. Clarke anyway about meeting with her next week, I broke ranks and trotted over to where they were standing. After a few moments discussing office hours and meetings, Dr. Clarke perhaps noticed my somewhat divided attention, and so politely decided to introduce her companion:

"And have you met my son?"

If ever I wished for a stray lightning bolt to come along and incinerate me, that was the moment. Her son! I was so horrified that all I could manage was:

"Oh yes! I remember you from last night!"

Of course, as soon as I said it, I regretted it. What must Dr. Clarke think about such a vague answer? Panicking, I nearly lost my bearings, trying desperately to think of anything to take their minds off my previous sentence. My eyes strayed downward towards the dogs sniffing around my feet. That's it! my bewildered mind cried. Talk about the dogs. Make them think about the dogs instead of me!

"Of course, it would be difficult to forget seeing such cute dogs as these!"

Curses! Now I've just insulted the poor man, saying that his dogs were the most memorable part of our encounter! Good heavens, why do I do this to myself? My mind now in a total fog of terror, I said a quick goodbye and bolted towards my class as though my very salvation depended upon it. Now that I think about it, I must have seemed terribly rude. Blathering like an idiot, and then darting off like a shot in the middle of an introduction, what other impression could I have made? Merciful heavens, could I have made a greater fool of myself?

I wonder if the nuns in London are accepting applications.