A New Direction

Well, that's that.

For those of you who don't already know, I wasn't accepted back to the PhD program here at Loyola. Yes, I was disappointed. I thought that a couple of professors would put in a good word for me, and perhaps they did. Ah, well.

But, on the upswing of that, now I can finally take action on my future. I'm looking at adjunct positions at NNU, BSU, Alberson College, Wheaton, and other universities here in Chicago. The big dilemma now is whether I should stay here and skip all the mess of moving to a new area, or move back to the Boise area where I have a better shot at getting some jobs. Hmmm. The other thing, too, is that I will have to find a second job no matter where I end up teaching. Adjunct professors are not at the high end of the pay scale, so I will probably need to find a part-time job at a clinic or hospital to supplement my income.

I sat down with my journal a few days ago and wrote out all the pros and cons of both staying in Chicago and moving back to Idaho. Nothing got resolved, unfortunately. Both sound equally appealing, but on different levels. Oh, I just don't know! I guess that the best way to figure all of this out is just to apply to all the colleges, see where I get accepted, and then go from there. Why can't God just tell me what to do? As Emily says, I want a Holy Grail moment. You know, in the Monty Python movie, when the clouds part, and a very cardboard cut out-ish God peeks out and says, "Arthur, this is your quest." That's what I need.

Sinner or Saint? You Make the Call!

I have done a bad thing. I lied in church. It was for the purpose of self-preservation, but I did lie in church.

Over the past few months, I have been, um... dogged by one of the guys in my Sunday school class. I have always tried to be pleasant and friendly with everyone there, since the people in my class are great and I would like to befriend them as much as possible. Apparently, my smiles have been misinterpreted as messages of physical attraction by a certain individual, who has taken it upon himself to give me compliments and impress me with his attempts at wit and conversation.

Last week, I was doing my best to avoid this certain person. (I'm not trying to protect him here. I've just never learned his name.) He attempted to corner me in class, but I quickly jumped into the middle of a group of gals heading upstairs to church and escaped unscathed. I hoped that a buffer of other females would be enough of a deterrent after the service, but nothing doing. While I was in the middle of an involved conversation with Dee and Larissa, he stepped up, whirled me around by the shoulder, and started with the same barrage of questions he has subjected me to every week. Luckily for him, I was able to keep my head and remember that God frowns upon open violence within the church walls.

I started exchanging the usual mindless banter I reserve for conversations of this nature, when he suddenly swooped in with a surprise attack and asked for my phone number. I was only half paying attention, so when he asked I was knocked completely off balance. I stood there silent for a few moments, racking my brain for something, anything to tell him.

C'mon, think! Just tell him no. No, too blunt. Could I tell him that I've pledged my body to God and that no man shall ever touch me? No, he might not believe me. Crap!

"Okay. Sure!", I say with a smile plastered on my face.

Oh, you idiot! What were you thinking?! Quick, come up with some reason not to actually give him the number!

"Um, you know, I don't actually have my phone number memorized. Let me see... I know I wrote it down here in my phone somewhere."

Okay, now just whip out the phone and pretend to press the buttons until he gets bored and wanders away. Oh my goodness, what have I gotten myself into? Oh no, he's not losing interest! He's still there!

"I know it's in here. I'm so bad with all this new technology." *uncertain titter*

I can keep fiddling with my phone for only so long. What does the man want from me? I've already made myself look like a complete cretin by pretending not to be able to memorize my own number and work a simple cell phone. Not that I care what he thinks about me, but I still have my dignity and reputation to maintain, darn it! Okay, enough of this act. I'll just tell him I can't find it.

"You know, I can't seem to find it. Sorry."

Whew!

And then the dreaded reply: "Oh, that's okay. I'll just give you my number!"

Aargh!

So he handed me his cell number, grinning. "It would be best if you could call me on Tuesday, in the early to late afternoon, because I'll be on a road trip and I'll have lots of time to talk. You can tell me all about your spring break trip." And off he trotted, looking as smug as the cat that had made off with the cream.

So instead of nipping this situation in the bud with a moment of unpleasant rejection, now I'm left with an open door, an unused phone number (which found a cozy home in the garbage can the moment I got to my apartment), and some cruel realities to convey in a couple weeks. Maybe I should just switch churches. Goodness gracious, I hate these situations!

Why I Fear Theory

From Barbara Johnson's A World of Difference:

Instead of a simple "either/or" structure, deconstruction attempts to elaborate a discourse that says neither "either/or", nor "both/and" nor even "neither/nor", while at the same time not totally abandoning these logics either. The very word deconstruction is meant to undermine the either/or logic of the opposition "construction/destruction". Deconstruction is both, it is neither, and it reveals the way in which both construction and destruction are themselves not what they appear to be.

Oy. I'm in trouble.